A Sacramental Union
Marriage is a contract, a holy covenant, and for two baptized Christians a sacrament. Christian marriage is not for the personal benefit of the couple alone, but also gives witness to the love of God in the world and cares for children who may come to bless the marriage. Christian marriage is a life-long committed friendship for the good of the spouses and their family, and for society too.
Matrimony is not the sacrament for just the moment of vows-taking, but is the foundation of grace for every day for those called to the marital state. A couple needs to tend to their marriage by cooperating with the grace of the sacrament over the lifetime of their union.
When any couple comes seeking a Church wedding, the pastor has certain obligations for their care. The Church is deeply interested in helping men and women make good marriages, in assisting them to grow personally and spiritually, and in supporting them as married couples through their participation in the life of the Body of Christ.
In holding up a high ideal for matrimony, the Church directly challenges society's assumption that men and women are incapable of the demands of the covenant of matrimony. In addition to insisting on good marriage preparation, an unmarried couple will be challenged also to take the opportunity during that time to gain perspective on one another and on the family they will build by living apart until the wedding takes place. With such preparation, a couple may marry with the full ceremony of the Church. As a Catholic you are to marry in the Church before an active Catholic priest or a deacon who has permission to marry you. At least one of you needs to be registered in the parish where you will be married, with certain exceptions the priest can discuss with you. You need to make your parish and priest part of your very earliest practical wedding plans. All parishes require preparation, usually with a married couple, that begins at least six months or more before your proposed wedding date. You will be working with our wedding coordinators and with our music director. (There is a separate fee for the organist.) Do not have your invitations engraved before you have the go-ahead from your priest.
Weddings are permitted during Lent, but the tone of the celebration and decoration of the church are to be quiet and simple in accord with the season of Lent. Weddings are not celebrated on the great feasts of the Church such as Easter and Christmas.
It is customary for couples to make a donation to the parish at the time of a wedding. In addition, a personal gift may go to the clergyman.
The Blessing of a Marriage not made in the Church
Catholics who have married outside the Catholic Church are encouraged to consult with their parish priest concerning their existing marriage outside the Church and to prepare for the blessing of that marriage. (Registration in the parish is necessary.) The blessing, called a convalidation, is simple and quiet.
The Church holds marriage in the greatest esteem and is very protective of this institution that is of divine origin and human as well. We value all legal marriages, wherever they have taken place, for persons of any or no religious affiliation, except for Catholics and eastern Orthodox Christians, who by church law are to be married in their respective churches. This is why the former non-Catholic marriages of non-Catholic spouses are likely to figure in the preparation for the "blessing," or convalidation of a marriage.
Two non-Catholics who have validly married in other churches or in court, do not need any further blessing of their marriage if either or both of them become Catholics, since, if both are baptized, their marriage is already sacramental.
Where there has been a previous marriage and the spouse still lives, there are measures available for preparing to marry in the Church. Talk with your pastor and he will see that you are given the proper care for your own specific individual situation.
Annulments
When a marriage has ended, a partner from that marriage may ask the Church to examine the former marriage as to its validity. This is connected to the Church's own ministry of healing. It is also a confidential process. One seeking an annulment needs to be registered in the parish.
Certain commonly held misconceptions may deter one from seeking an annulment. Periodically, some celebrity or another will have been at pains to underline these erroneous ideas or to ridicule the process; however, it must also be said that very few Catholics, even those otherwise very well educated in the faith, are informed about the Church's remedy of a declaration of nullity and consequent freedom to marry, most particularly on the issues of whether some kind of marriage existed and the legitimacy of the children if the marriage is declared null:
- First the Church does not deny that there has been a legal marital union in a marriage the Church finds to be a nullity,
- and most especially it does not deny the legitimacy of children born to that union. (In fact, canon law declares explicitly that children of such a union are legitimate. (CJC 1137)
- This process is definitely not one of assessing blame. It recognizes that two persons with good intentions may attempt to marry, even with a Catholic wedding, and nevertheless fail to have made a true marriage.
When the Church formally declares that one is free to marry in the Catholic Church, it is speaking of the Church's own religious action; this declaration has no civil effect, nor is it the same as a civil annulment. Indeed, the Church requires that a divorce, dissolution, or civil annulment be final and that parents are upholding their agreements for the care of their children before any papers are filed in a church case. Every case is different and we welcome those who wish to discuss their individual conditions and the possibilities available for marrying in the Church.
These procedures do come with fees that are paid to the Chancery to help defray its expenses, and may be arranged according to one's ability to pay; no one is to be deprived of this procedure for lack of money. Any donation to the parish would be totally at your own initiative.